I wrote this to a friend recently and thought you might like to read it. It’s about parenting, failing, and forgiveness.
Katie usually blames herself for being a bad parent. She says that she’s not the mother she should be. And then I usually agree with her (!). And I tell her that I’m not the father I should be!
Being a parent is one long example of how you’re a screw up. I mean, I can’t imagine the amount of stuff my kids will have to deal with because of me! I’m sorry about it. I didn’t mean it. I tried my best. But they will be messed up humans, and part of the reason will be me.
It is inevitable that many of the mistakes they will make in the future will be because they were raised by me. Oh well. They’ll have to deal. They’ll have to learn that even if a problem in their life is someone else’s fault that this can’t slow them down. They have to keep moving forward and forgive backward. And I’ve actually learned to be grateful for my Mom and Dad (despite some crazy stuff!). Hopefully, my kids will see me and Katie with some kindness when they get older. So, try not to worry. Try not to let your mind go running.
Learning to bear each others mistakes is a part of learning to live. Those who think they should be trying to be flawless parents are setting themselves up for ulcers. We deal with kids and their mistakes. And kids will have to learn to deal with us and our mistakes. And hopefully then compassion and forgiveness grows (it’s only a tragedy that most often, it doesn’t. People just get resentful towards each other. But what were we ever expecting from each other? Did we really expect our parents to be perfect or always come through for us? What on earth led us to believe that would happen?)
Pray. Be patient. Keep living. And try not to worry.
Tom+