“He created man in his own image.
Male and female he created them.”
Pope John Paul II had this to say about what makes a human being:
“Unity arises from the union of masculinity and femininity. Male and female are two different incarnations of man. They are two complementary way of ‘being a body’ created in in God’s image.”
This is emphatically not the assumption in our culture. What makes a man or a woman in our world today? Well, if I want to really be me, I need to pursue my goals, have a job that satisfies me, write a book, exercise. And my wife? She needs to help me be me. And if she doesn’t help me, then I may have to leave her. What is most important in our culture is the development of my person. Everything, everything, is a step toward my personal progression. That doesn’t mean I don’t love my wife or kids or friends, but my own need to be the authentic and honest me can trump anything else.
We all have this in us. And it’s not always bad. If we didn’t have it, we would lack sacrifice and passion. Those are necessary to accomplishing anything, especially great things.
But what is not true is that any of that is necessary for me to be really me. I am not Tom by simply developing Tom or by meeting Tom goals or by having the most authentic Tom. Nope.
What John Paul is suggesting is that you are only you in relation to others. And this is most profoundly true in the marriage relationship. Why is divorce so prevalent? “It didn’t work out.” “We weren’t right for each other.” “I changed. You changed.” “You’re not letting me be me.” Yep. That’s the modern mind at work.
But what Gen 1 and the late Pope are telling us is that you can only find yourself in the gift of your spouse. You are not human without them. You are not progressing toward anything without them. (The spiritual gift of singleness is a separate question.)
Sometimes you hear the question, “If you could do anything, what would you do?” Those types of questions are part of the problem. It’s really asking, “What would it take for you to be you? To be satisfied? To be the true you?” But the problem is that this question contains only you and not another.
You are only you with another in your view.
You are not anything without them.
You are not human with out them.
Humanity is man and woman.
Apart from each other, there is only a wandering, broken heart. It looks strangely human, but don’t be deceived. It is only half of what it needs to be.
Tom+